Lamar Howell's Weblog

What happened with us?

Well, I’m trying to flesh out the unspoken transgression. To somehow color the invisible oscillating wave-lengths to see what went wrong in our relationship. Trace the tire skids back from the collision.

I need to unveil to you this great dichotomy I feel in my soul regarding our friendship. On one side of this knife-split opening in my gut lie the treasures knowing you has brought into my life – the inspiring hand-sculpted molds of my expressive self, alive and moving; the comfort of true companionship and affirmation spread out inside me like an open, cool desert-night, with no horizon to limit my dreams and no fear of the howling or haunting dark.

On the other side of my gut lie the stray pieces of a friendship, a hope, a dream, a song, a masterpiece, crumpled and forgotten; a frayed rope of integrity wound into an uncertain pattern, unraveled and useless; blame, written with the cool waters of good news from a far-away land and then baked in an unforgiving sun.

If you can forgive me – even with dead-pan reservation, I will forgive you with gold-pan delight. And we will close the book on all this drama and poetry and squeeze ourselves back into the dull manageable everyday cubicle.